F*ck Your Culture

Hello there, it's been a long time since I spat out something negative about religion or society. So, here I am (of course, with some negativity). This time to say something negative about our beloved culture.

Tamil culture is beautiful by nature. The art, the music, the dance, the women. The women. Ah, women. Maybe the Tamil culture is not so beautiful after all. I definitely forgot about the tradition and women part of the culture when I said it is beautiful. 

Sure, the art side of our culture still is beautiful and great, but culture has a dark side. No, it can’t even be said as a dark side. It is a side that people often openly use to abuse women. It is a well-known side of the culture that is widely accepted by everyone. Culture is the reason why sexism is so normalised even in the modern world. Culture is the excuse people use to abuse women. Whenever a woman does something that disturbs the man, they come in with the "foolproof" argument, “ well, according to our culture…”  

These are not baseless accusations. We all know what our culture is. It is in our culture that a group of people is not allowed inside the temple. That is the culture we love and cherish. Ok, that topic alone can be done as a blog. I will stick to abusing women through culture in this one.

So, how does culture abuse women? We can see the abuse in daily life. It is safe to say that in the modern world, we have changed quite a lot and adopted western culture to a great extent. One of the changes we adopted from a foreign culture is clothing. Men like to wear jeans and shirts, which is definitely not our culture. So, the women must be able to do the same, right? Well, yes, but actually, no. Our society threatens and judges women who wear jeans or anything other than a dress that covers the entirety of the woman's body. “Be prepared to get raped if you are wearing provocative clothes (provocative clothes = Clothes women are comfortable in),” says our society. Seriously? Our cultural response to one of the most inhuman crimes is blaming the victims. Our society never once thought of saying, “Raise your boys better instead of blaming the women.” How come women are blamed for men’s animal behavior? A man will rape you, and that is why women shouldn’t be wearing comfortable clothes. Adapting western culture is fine as long as men are the only ones doing it. If women try to adapt, we hit them with the “according to our culture.”

Does it stop with dressing? Absolutely not. Society objects to absolutely everything a woman does. Take drinking and smoking, for instance. Drinking and smoking are injurious to health regardless of your gender. But when a woman drinks or smokes, it is not about health. When a woman drinks, it’s about her family; it’s about her character. “A drinking woman will not have a good character” (again, what exactly is "character"? What they mean is blind obedience), says the society. After all, the majority of the audience thought Rangaraj Pandey was the hero of Nerkonda Paarvai. That is the maturity of our community. I have heard multiple times that “in our society, women have a standard, and they should live up to it.” No. Absolutely not. Who are we to set standards for someone else and expect them to live up to them? Everyone has their own way of living. No one has the right to question others in matters of personal choices. Even if they have given birth to them. But no, our culture says women shouldn’t enjoy their life. So, we play according to our culture card once again.

Sex. Do we even have to tell you about sex? YES. Yes, we do. Sex is a taboo topic in India, even in 2022. I have constantly seen many complaints online about Indian men and their sexual desires (cue bitch lasagna). It is the result of a lack of sex education in India. Still, in some cities, teachers are reluctant to teach about the reproductive system, which is in the science book (life story). In India, a woman can only have sex when she is married. If she has sex with someone she likes with consent, she will be labeled as a slut. But once she gets married, it is okay for a woman to be forced to have sex. This society prefers marital rape over consensual premarital sex. Virginity is a sacred thing in this society, but only for women. No one cares about men having sex. It is only the woman who is blamed. Because, of course, the culture restricts sex for women. It allows only rape.

Thaali is another common tradition in our culture. This might get some dudes angry. But thaali is slavery. I can’t believe that this is an unpopular opinion. Thaali is just slavery. Thaali is the whip for women. It's a golden collar. If thaali is the symbol of their marriage, why can’t a man wear it? A woman has to wear it because once she wears it, she becomes the property of the man. A property; a robot that cleans, cooks, and has sex (of course, when the man wants it). That is why Periyar introduced “Suya Mariaythai Thirumanam,” which should be followed by everyone. I will love it if my friends follow it in their marriage. Thaali should be abolished.

Divorce. Our culture forces couples to live together even if they are unhappy. A couple who files a divorce will be shamed even in the courtroom. Women are especially shamed. To the extent that I've heard people refer to a woman who has separated from her husband as "vaazhama irukanga" (trnsl: she is not living her life). But a man who has separated from his wife is just single. A woman must adjust and continue her life, even if the husband beats her. Our culture will not allow a couple to divorce. When a woman complains about her husband, she is advised to adjust to her husband’s needs. The important thing to notice here is this advice is given by women. Internalized misogyny is the poison that kills women. Women of the older generation are the plague to women of this generation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with divorce. If a couple is unhappy, it is better to get a divorce than to listen to a society that clearly lacks some brain cells. Women who are going through a divorce, chin up. You are doing the right thing.

Sexism is a problem that many fail to see. Either they don’t see the problem, or they don’t want to see it. People abuse women through culture and tradition. To me, culture is just a fancy word for women slavery. So yeah, F*CK your culture.

Culture is something that constantly evolves. What was great yesterday is not acceptable today. People should accept that and adapt. Every period will have a different culture. Expecting everyone to follow the same tradition and culture is outright a stupid thing to do. We must evolve. That is what humans excel at. Evolve and adapt to the new world. Refuse to follow the old traditions. Rebel against it. In this beautiful world, we have to fight even for basic rights. So, let's start fighting.

Porvaal

(sep 22)